Victoria Botkin: Biblical Submission and How Godly Women Do It

We can pray to the one who made the stars…and can we believe we can pray to Him and he hears us?

Women all around the world tuning in to hear, one listening in at 3 a.m. in Sweden, also Bahrain, Dubai, Australia, etc.

Learn how to love your husbands and children is her goal to help us. Thanking her husband, sons, daughters for all their help with this presentation and the taking care of the home so she’s available for this discussion.

Sarah, the good (and only one listed) example given for submission is in 1 Peter 3:1-6.

1 Peter 3:1-6 “Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external--the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear--but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.”

Sarah is praised by God for doing what was right. We are her daughters if WE do what’s right. Let’s look at her example of submission without being afraid, going back to Genesis.

Her husband left his home in Haran with her to go to Canaan, then because of famine to Egypt. (Sarah was 65 yrs old & still a beautiful woman.) You know the story…

Genesis 12:11-13 “When (Abraham) was about to enter Egypt, he said to Sarai his wife, "I know that you are a woman beautiful in appearance, and when the Egyptians see you, they will say, 'This is his wife.' Then they will kill me, but they will let you live. Say you are my sister, that it may go well with me because of you, and that my life may be spared for your sake."

Abram had no choice to stop Pharaoh from taking Sarah. Pharaoh’s word was law so he could do whatever he wanted, take whatever woman whenever. This was how Pharaoh was and it was a known fact. Abram wasn’t paranoid at all by asking Sarah to do what he requested.

Genesis 12:14-20 “When Abram entered Egypt, the Egyptians saw that the woman was very beautiful. And when the princes of Pharaoh saw her, they praised her to Pharaoh. And the woman was taken into Pharaoh's house. And for her sake (Pharaoh) dealt well with Abram; and he had sheep, oxen, male donkeys, male servants, female servants, female donkeys, and camels. But the LORD afflicted Pharaoh and his house with great plagues because of Sarai, Abram's wife. So Pharaoh called Abram and said, "What is this you have done to me? Why did you not tell me that she was your wife? Why did you say, 'She is my sister,' so that I took her for my wife? Now then, here is your wife; take her, and go." And Pharaoh gave men orders concerning him, and they sent him away with his wife and all that he had.”

Abram then repeated in Gen 20 the same plan with Abimelech! We are never told what God thinks in these passages about Abram, but the commentators certainly disagree on Abram’s ethics. But this is the certainty: Sarai was in a difficult, scary position. Abram appears to sell her for material gain but all resistance WAS impossible. If Abram were killed her situation with Pharaoh would have been far worse. On top of it, how would Abram have the descendants God promised him if he was killed?

Won without a word… 1 Peter 3:1-6 “Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external--the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear--but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their
own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.”

Unpopular, controversial subject submission is. It makes feminists mad and even among Christians it’s an unpopular subject full of excuses and exceptions to what the Bible says. Is there such a thing as virtuous Christian feminism?

It is scary to do someone else’s will and getting told what to do, not being able to do what you want. Her childhood example: Brush teeth and go to bed. Didn’t have a problem with brushing teeth, but the being told what to do part…that’s where the problem lay. She was being defiant, wanted to be her own god. Submission is hard. But the fact of the matter is my/our opinion is not important, only God’s opinion. And it's quite clear from scripture that submission to our husbands is commanded by God. And not just in 1 Peter 3. (God also commends submission to your husband.)

Ephesians 5:22-24 “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.”

Colossians 3:18 “Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.”

1 Timothy 2:11-12 “Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness. I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet.”

All these verses also talk about submission. It’s God’s will. Every woman I know struggles with submission. We are all feminists at heart. Go clear back to Eve: we just want to be independent. Not the way we were made but after fall, it’s in us.

There are many paradoxes in the Bible:
~the last shall be first... ~the greatest of all is the servant of all... ~if you lose your life, you will find your life, to name a few. And submission is another one of these paradoxical things.

Some people think submission implies weakness, doormat-ishness. Actually, the reverse is true: submission is hard and it takes great strength of character. It's not the weak women who submit
respectfully, it's the strong ones. In submission we find strength and favor with God.

Isaiah 30:15 “For thus said the Lord GOD, the Holy One of Israel,
"In repentance and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength."

Psalm 33:18 “Behold, the eye of the LORD is upon them that fear him, upon them that hope in his mercy.”

1Timothy 1:18-19 “…wage the good warfare, holding faith and a good conscience. By rejecting this, some have made shipwreck of their faith”

Knowing we have obeyed, we have a clear conscience. Letting someone else in control makes it seem we have no influence over anything. Submission gives us great influence with our husbands. It's our best hope to win our husbands when they are in error. Your motive is not manipulation of Him but obedience to God. You obey regardless of husband’s response.

These two things will help us submit: 1. taking every thought captive to Christ's submission and obedience to His father's will. 2. realizing that our hope is in God to bring His will to pass and make all things work together for good for us.

Our hope is not in our husbands. Even the most mature and godly husbands will make mistakes...but our God is sovereign and will never fail us.

Question: But don't we have a duty to reprove our husbands when they are wrong?

ESV reads “Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct”, but KJV says it very differently in 1 Peter 3:1-2: “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.” What’s up? The word used in King James’ time, conversation, has changed. What the word means is conduct (not conversation-talk), but as can be seen in the same word in the Greek in Gal 1:13—it’s not our talk but our actions. Greek-English Interlinear clarifies this, reading: “Likewise, wives, submitting yourselves to your own husbands, in order that even if any disobey the word, through their wives' conduct, without a word, they may be gained, observing the, in fear, pure conduct of you."

Question: So do we get to tell our husbands when we think that they are being disobedient? Or not?

We don’t get to tell them exactly what we’re thinking. Scripture is very clear: we must have an attitude of respect ALWAYS, no telling him off, or using other ‘without a word’ ways like exhibiting a disgusted silence or slamming the door or giving him a cold shoulder. We MUST maintain that chaste and respectful behavior.

Question: What does it mean "Even if any disobey the word...??”

1 Peter 3:1 “Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives...”

This doesn’t mean it’s OK for believers to not submit. Whether believers or not, they might not obey. But this verse applies to both types of husband, believing or not. Submission applies to both.

Question: What if, in my family or church, I have been taught that wives should respectfully reprove their husbands?

Simple solution: if your husband’s a believer, ask your husband what he thinks of verse, how he wants it played out, then simply do it!

Here are some examples of speaking respectfully in difficult situations:

Abigail saying to David, “evil hath not been found in thee all thy days.” (1 Samuel 25:28) In effect,

Abigail is saying, and very respectfully, “You are such a godly man, this is beneath you.”

Abram to God in Genesis 18:25, “Far be it from you to do such a thing, to put the righteous to death with the wicked, so that the righteous fare as the wicked!” Far be it from you!

Here’s an appeal to a misguided husband: Esther respectfully, not reproachfully approached her husband, the King.

Go back to Scripture. If he doesn’t believe, then win without a word. A Christian husband may need to be reminded of God's goodness and faithfulness; he may need his wife's encouragement in believing God. This is always appropriate, provided it is done with love and respect. This is how you can help him.

Isaiah 35:3-4 “Strengthen the weak hands, and make firm the feeble knees. Say to those who have an anxious heart, "Be strong; fear not! Behold, your God will come with vengeance, with the recompense of God. He will come and save you."

1Peter 3:1 “Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives…”

Winning without a word: Submission has the potential to win to repentance without a word by your conduct. I've heard women say, many times, "I tried being submissive; I tried winning my husband without a word, but it just didn't work…So I gave up on that." Even if he doesn't repent…even if you don't win him… you are not excused from being subject to your husband.

Submission to and respect for your husband are required by God except in very few situations: When he wants you to do something contrary to God’s law. He is harming you and/or the kid(s) physically. Seek counsel from someone who knows the situation.

Question: So is it a guaranteed thing, that I can win my husband without a word?

No guarantee that your behavior will win him but you are required to submit because it’s the right thing to do. You are required to submit even if he isn't won by your chaste conduct. Because it is the right thing to do, what God says to do.

1 Peter 3:12-14 “For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are open to their prayer. But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil." Now who is there to harm you if you are zealous for what is good? But even if you should suffer for righteousness' sake, you will be blessed…

1 Peter 2:20-21 “...but when you do good and suffer, if you take it patiently, this is commendable before God. For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps.”

We’ve lost our calling to suffer like Christ did. We’ve learned to expect everything to be perfect, like we deserve it, perfect health, etc., but this is not real life!

1Peter 4:12-13 “Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed.”

Suffering for doing what is right USED to be an expected part of life, but it’s not so now.

Question: I'm a woman with a mind of my own; is there any way to make submission easier?

Yes. Get on board with your husband's vision right at the beginning. This is really at the heart of submission... you submit your will and your vision to your husband's will and vision. Sarah obeyed Abraham…

Example: He wants to have a Bible family time in the morning but you are NOT a morning person and you like your routine. You have 2 choices: 1). Do nothing. He says get the kids up earlier…days later he gets cross because he’s having to get them up to do this and then you get irritated because he’s cross. And now because you didn’t submit willingly, he starts commanding you and now you’re being made to do it, so it is unpleasant because you chose in the first place not to submit…Because you did not submit willingly, you are now in the position of having to obey. You hate this because you don't like being told what to do. You are now in the position of a child, reduced to obeying orders which are against your will. But, you put yourself in this position… because you did not submit, and did not cooperate with your husband.

2). OK, you don’t want to do this, but in obedience to Scripture you submit. So now you start thinking…how do I make it work? Submit your will to his will so guess what? This time, you are not in the position of having things done to you, against your will...you have submitted your will to your husband's will...and you are in the driver's seat WITH your husband See how it works? This is what submission should look like: You are on board with your husband, not resisting or arguing, and being defiant—this is just kicking against the goads, which, in addition to being sin, makes everything more unpleasant and difficult for both of you. Adapt to his schedule and you will find you like it. I know this for a fact. There were things I didn’t want to do yet when I submitted I later saw how it did work out to my good.

Question: How can I make my husband lead? This is a completely unbiblical question. You encourage your husband to lead by following his leadership, even if he is not going in the most spiritual direction.

Question: So what can I do about it if my husband is not going in the best direction, spiritually?

This is another situation calling for chaste and respectful behavior, even if your husband is not, technically, disobedient to the word. (In fact every situation of your life calls for chaste and respectful behavior.) Many of these wives think they are more superior but I’ve seen many that were just arrogant and self-righteous. Sometimes maybe a wife wanted to home school or attend a family-integrated church or just get rid of tunnel vision, so she would ask how to get her husband on board with her. The husband is not technically disobedient to the word, so... Respectfully you can ask him about these things, but don’t try to make him lead in a certain direction. When a wife tries to make her husband lead in a certain direction, she is actually working at cross purposes with herself, if she is taking leadership, she is hindering his leadership... Doing so, you can tear your own house down. And saying, “Of course I’m leading, he doesn’t know how to...” Well, the Bible says he is the leader, even if he leads badly. A domineering wife can make a bad situation even worse and can destroy God’s created order and not to mention her home.

1 Peter 3:1 still holds true whether in a bad or good situation. Chaste and respectful behavior is not only RIGHT, in and of itself, it is also the way to win your husband's love and trust, and encourage him to be godly, himself.

We know God was able to create the heavens and the earth with a word, but sometimes we doubt that He can change our husbands’ hearts!

James 5:16 “The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.” And James 4:2 “yet ye have not, because ye ask not.”

Abram believed God and it was credited to him for righteousness. Sarah, when Abraham told her God’s promise to him about their many descendants, had what seemed like a good idea... Sarah saw her problem—she was barren all those years--so how could there be descendants? “Hagar” a common situation for an heir in the Middle East but… Look what happened. It caused NOTHING but trouble for Sarah, first with pregnant Hagar, then the boy Ishmael and now the many descendants of Ishmael are the enemies of the Jewish people to this day! Sarah knew God's plan, and she believed it, too,
but apparently she didn't believe God to be able to bring it about without her help. So she took matters into her own hands and persuaded Abraham to carry out her plan.

Adam listened to his wife also, and what happened? Genesis 3:17 “And to Adam he said, "Because you have listened to the voice of your wife and have eaten of the tree of which I commanded you, 'You shall not eat of it,' cursed is the ground because of you; in pain you shall eat of it all the days of your life”

These husbands got in trouble for listening to their wives instead of the Lord’s instruction. Now, what I'm NOT saying is that wives always lead their husbands astray, or that you should never make any suggestions to your husband. One of the ways we help our husbands is with our wise counsel. Just be careful because your words carry much weight with him!

Instead, pray fervently that God will give your husband wisdom, and pray that God will lead your husband…and through him, lead your family… into His perfect will. If he asks you your opinion, tell it to him, but also tell him that you want God's will to be done, not your will, and that he must do what he believes the Lord is leading him to do.

Rebekah knew Jacob would be God’s man, His chosen one.

Genesis 25:20-23 “and Isaac was forty years old when he took Rebekah, the daughter of Bethuel the Aramean of Paddan-aram, the sister of Laban the Aramean, to be his wife. And Isaac prayed to the LORD for his wife, because she was barren. And the LORD granted his prayer, and Rebekah his wife conceived. The children struggled together within her, and she said, "If it is thus, why is this happening to me?" So she went to inquire of the LORD. And the LORD said to her, "Two nations are in your womb, and two peoples from within you shall be divided; the one shall be stronger than the other, the older shall serve the younger."

Esau loved by Isaac yet Jacob was loved by Rebekah.

Genesis 25:27-28 “When the boys grew up, Esau was a skillful hunter, a man of the field, while Jacob was a quiet man, dwelling in tents. Isaac loved Esau because he ate of his game, but Rebekah loved Jacob.”

We know what God thought of Esau: Hebrews 12:16 “Lest there be any fornicator, or profane person, as Esau, who for one morsel of meat sold his birthright.” Mal 1:2-3 "…. I have loved Jacob but Esau I have hated.”

Rebekah knew God’s mind…she knew which one was going to be God’s man. Here’s the drama: the blessing’s about to go to Esau which she knows is not God’s plan in Genesis 27. Rebekah knows Jacob is to inherit so she makes plans and… Jacob was fooled, yes, but at terrible cost to both Rebekah and Jacob. Esau plans to kill Jacob, so Jacob has to flee to Haran.

Genesis 27:43-45 “Now therefore, my son, obey my voice. Arise, flee to Laban my brother in Haran and stay with him a while, until your brother's fury turns away--until your brother's anger turns
away from you, and he forgets what you have done to him. Then I will send and bring you from there.”

Jacob goes so fast and serves 7 yrs for Rachel (instead of the normal 3 years since he had no backup, men, money, etc., so Laban takes advantage of him: he gets Leah instead! It’s because he arrived empty-handed and desperate, running for his life, so the consequences…) Rebeka lost Jac for 20 years—not a little while. We never hear any more of Rebeka after this but we do know she was stuck with Esau and his awful Canaanite wives for the rest of her life. We also are never told of her death and burial—not commendable. Yet her nurse’s death and burial ARE recorded.

Rebekah knew God’s plan, but apparently…she didn’t think He was able to bring it about without her help! Most of us have taken matters into our own hands, instead of: praying fervently, loving our husbands, behaving chastely and respectfully, and waiting on God to bring about our deliverance.

Psalm 18:2 “The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.”

Psalm 40:17 “As for me, I am poor and needy, but the Lord takes thought for me. You are my help and my deliverer; do not delay, O my God!”

Psalm 70:5 “But I am poor and needy; hasten to me, O God! You are my help and my deliverer; O LORD, do not delay!”

Psalm 144:2 “He is my steadfast love and my fortress, my stronghold and my deliverer, my shield and he in whom I take refuge, who subdues peoples under me.”

You know, unless we have difficult things to be delivered from, we wouldn’t need a deliverer… We need to trust God.

James 1:2-4 “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”

Find REST in the house of your husbands!