Defending the Faith by Leading Your Family ~ Geoffrey Botkin

1) How do I bring leadership to my wife when God feels 1,000 miles away?

This task is ominous. We should feel helpless. Think about the mission like the puritans and as our Lord who came to earth willingly. His desire is for my sanctification and my victory. Think about eternity. Simply walk in it. As I help my wife think about these things, she sees me as a man to be followed.

2) Please explain the best way for a single man to find a godly wife.

Nail down the life mission you will be following. Articulate your life mission. Train yourself in godliness. Let men see the grace of God in your life. Let others see you make disciples. Be aware of young women assisting their fathers in their homes. She will understand what she will be giving up her life to follow. Go to older men (or to her father) and ask what young woman might be compatible. Pursue her objectively. If you marry a wife without an interest in your mission and in the Kingdom of God, you will be quite miserable. When you do marry, inspire your wife continually.

3) Do you mean it literally that my wife should call me “lord?”

My dear wife, Victoria, does not say, “Lord would you like more coffee?” She has an internal understanding that only Jesus is our Lord with a capital L. Holy women with imperfect husbands rest in this.

4) How does a working wife fit into this? In the work force, her boss is her lord. She has to be subject to him living outside the will of God eight hours a day. That is what she is paid to do.

5) What should I do if I have blown it?

Start with confession. Begin with a plan. “Honey, I need to tell you where I have been wrong. Our family has not been on target. Here is what I’ll change.” When she sees you being serious about changing she will respect you more and more. “I’ve missed this. Will you come with me in this new direction?” This is so romantic for your wife.

6) What if my wife has a difficult time trusting me?

Part of the curse is that our wives tend to usurp our authority. Men have a tendency to abdicate. Wives have a command to do this 24/7. You need to show her an unshakable love, not to bully your wife, but to serve her and lay your life down for her. She needs to come to want your advice. A fancy rich expensive dinner is not nearly as effective as to sit down, hold her hand and tell her, “I want to lead our family for Christ.”

7) What if our wives are smarter and more spiritual than we are?

Probably all our wives are smarter and more spiritual. That gives us no permission to abdicate. If your wife is truly smart and really spiritual she will see God’s wisdom. It is a patriarchal universe. Every man is a patriarch. Wives gain their highest happiness as women and not men. They are truly noble.

If you lead her wrong, you’ll both crash and burn.

8) What about asking her to learn from Godly material?

Yes, make some assignments, “Honey you study this for me and see if we can learn from it. I won’t have time to study it like you will. Wives feel the pressure of learning from others.

9) To what degree do you exercise the authority you discussed Saturday?

Leadership is stewardship from God. Exercise leadership diligently and confidently. Leadership makes us more in love. As a man who has been honored with an honorable wife… communicating to my wife “I need to be one heart, one soul and one flesh with you.” This is limited by the law of God. We do not escape the jurisdiction of the church and state.

10) How do you lead her without treating her like a child?

Never think of her as a child. Get out of that mode as fast as possible. She is a fellow heir in the grace of life.

11) Where am I in sin if she refuses to submit?

Look first at the log in your own eye. Love her and help her as a non-Christian to understand the gospel. Do you lay your life down for her? Preach the word to her with longsuffering. Puritans did this.

12) Should a man study the Bible separately, then with his wife?

Yes, you need to be memorizing on your own. Study the word a lot to share with her.

13) If the home is her domain, how do I instruct her in how to manage it?

You are responsible for everything about your house. If it is not being managed well, you need to get your house in order, carefully. We have shared kingdom objectives.

14) What is militant Christianity?” It is the enduring of hardship. “Endure hardness as a good soldier.” You wake up in the morning and say to God, “Reporting for duty.”

15) How do I keep my family from being defiled when shopping?

Men, remember never abdicate. Take leadership to create a better environment. Set up guidelines to protect children (from ungodly television etc.) when with in-laws.

Our wives disciple our daughters. Prepare them to work with their husbands. We must disciple our wives we must protect them against predatory influences, predatory males. The daughter of a priest who became sexually immoral was executed at the door of his home to show he failed in his duty to protect her. God was very serious about that.

16) I’m not a virgin. Can I possibly be worthy to marry a virgin from a good home?

I answer as a man who has been praying for over two decades for the men who will marry my daughters. None of us will ever be worthy of the good wives the Lord gives us. None of us merit the privileges and joys. God makes all things new including you.

As the father of two daughters, if a young man comes to me; would it be a total deal breaker? Not necessarily. Every suitor will be immature. My daughters are looking for hearts that fear God and hunger for righteousness.

Every man has been trained by the pop culture to have eyes full of adultery. We are exposed to porn, even in ads. Men, that is impurity.

Loss of one’s virginity is very serious. A man that has defrauded virgins has an obligation to tell the fathers. You should tell the prospective bride’s father and he should verify your health. Exodus 22, Deut 22.

17) If I had $10,000 how could I best invest it?

Invest in the Kingdom of God, in wisdom, assets. Invest in your family businesses and estate.

Defend the faith by leading your family. Identify your life mission. Take on dominion oriented activities. We need to be family men, businessmen. Children need to be nation builders. How can we build the United States of America? We are no longer respected world wide. Enemies despise us with reason. Train all nations to obey all Christ’s administrative and moral commands. Use your gifts, specific to your background and abilities to do everything Christ commands. The clergy/laity distinction is largely Greek and Roman Catholic. Every one of us has specific abilities. As we see their abilities developing, inspire you r family to build this legacy, they will not need a lot of direct management. They will ask you, Dad what do we choose? Buy the word of God, understanding God’s business interests. Jesus did his Father’s business. By the example of your character you will inspire your children. In a properly functioning Christian home, issues of power, battles of the will, ultimatums are not an issue. We are all working together. I tell my son who works very hard; you need to take a break. The issue in question is the will of God. We pray “thy Kingdom come, they will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” There is no argument in heaven. It is all done. We work together as a family to know and perform his will in the ways we approach the great commission. Order your household with all dignity 1 Ti 3:4

18) Command the future through training Gen 18:19 For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord. We have to learn immediate repentance, walking in the light.

Boys at 13 talking, “What is the just thing to do?” Be a holy humble patriarch. America is plunging into wars in Middle East? Is this just? How should we deal with it? Lay out plans for a flexible legacy. What are you living for?

19) What is the greatest way to help your wife and children to catch vision?

Dinner table, issues health, war in Iraq, birth control pill – 110 million women taking pill world wide, so many hormones excreted changing fish. Fish instead of 50/50, it is becoming 80% female. Men are losing ability to reproduce. Is this a judgment from God? How do we apply scripture? We are God’s instruments to stand in the gates and articulate this. The dream of magic pill came from eugenicist Margaret Sanger to lower the birth rate of everyone, but especially undesirables. In 20^th century healthy families dropped from 7, 8, or 9 children to 2. “In the multitudes of people is the king’s glory.” Christians need to repent and have children.

20) How do you fit everyday jobs into your mission statement if most of your time is outside the home? [Each contributes according to the gifts God has given him.]

I think it is ideal is for fathers to start businesses in your home so they can work with sons according to Deut. 6. At one point I took job as CEO at media corp. but I waited till sons were old enough to join me.

One high paying computer industry executive went home to repair with his sons and contributed to a massive amount of character to take into the future.

Set up your home life so there is so much going on it is almost like you are there: a self-contained economic engine of reformation. Children have the peaceful fruit of righteousness. Principles of “Curriculum Advise” can be downloaded form Western Conservatory.

“Teaching them to observe all things that Christ commanded us.” How do we get our arms around that? Begin by honoring the word of God in your home. Laws superseded by coming of messiah have been fulfilled. Laws for fathers and mothers to obey: Eph 6 Obey your parents in the Lord for this is right. Never throw a commandment behind your back. “Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you.” We were in the kingdom of Darkness, now we are in the Kingdom of Light. We are the creatures. Our king is Jesus Christ. You have a king. How would he set up His cabinet, His court, His armies? The Lord gave us this analogy I want to seek that and make sure this is application is right in military morality, sexual morality, and marital morality. We seek to implement all these things that we have the moral responsibility to implement. Some have more responsibilities than others, as Abraham Kuiper, we are subject to the authority of Kings of Kings.

Prayer:

Great and mighty and patriarchal God and Father of all, You have not put a yolk on us that is burdensome. I pray they will see they are acting on your behalf, and see their children rise up and call their mother blessed and honor their father.