Evenings with Victoria Botkin, All About Eve

Wise women build their homes, the foolish ones… Proverbs 14:10

Victoria’s background: Mother of 7 children, ages 29-14, 25 yrs been home schooling. Became a Christian 35 years ago.

As Jacob said, so she knows: “I am not worthy of the least of all the mercies, and of all the truth, which thou hast shewed unto thy servant …” Gen 32:10

All the glory goes to God.

Tit 2:1 But as for you, (this is the Apostle Paul, writing to Titus) teach what accords with sound doctrine.

Tit 2:2 Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness.

Tit 2:3 Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good

Tit 2:4 and so train the young women to love their husbands and children,

Tit 2:5 to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

NKJV uses blasphemed…if we aren’t submissive like this says we may give people cause for reviling/blaspheming.

Webster’s definition of Blasphemy: Reproachful, contemptuous or irreverent words uttered impiously against Jehovah.

Don’t bring reproach on God, so important to obey God’s word. We have... in our very roles as wives and mothers and homemakers... the potential, by our disobedience, to bring shame on God's word, and on his people...which is a very sobering thought...

Study Genesis over and over and over.

In the book of Genesis: We learn about God... through His creation, and His amazing ability to create it... from nothing...solely by the power of His words
We learn about men and women and their roles, about marriage, about human nature -our sin nature. We learn about crime and punishment. We learn about the need for a Savior because of sin.

Genesis lays the foundation for understanding everything else.

In Genesis, we learn about the covenant family: Abraham, Isaac and Jacob and their wives and children, and the problems they struggled with, which are the very things we struggle with today: wives taking matters into their own hands; husbands failing to lead well. Envy, unbelief, strife and competition among siblings

Rom 8:28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. 1). Woman’s Created purpose All created good, then God saw something was not good. Gen 2:18 And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. Adam alone, no wife. Eve created to be a helper, not another Adam. This is her nature, to be a helper to her husband to help make him better or not as a husband.

The word "meet" means: Corresponding to him Someone who complemented him, someone who could, by her gifts and traits, complete him. A helper suitable for him. A counterpart to him. Psa 68:6 God sets the solitary in families... Psa 145:15 The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food in due season. Psa 145:16 You open your hand; you satisfy the desire of every living thing. Psa 145:17 The LORD is righteous in all his ways and kind in all his works.

We’re all feminists at heart, raised in feminist culture. Woman’s creation has nothing to do with second-rate, inferior.

Help Adam become complete, Adam would complete her.

Silly to make created second a big thing. Similar logic is, well, Adam created after animals, so… is Adam inferior?

Created in God’s image Gen 1:27—BOTH

Gen 1:27 So God created man--meaning, mankind-- in His own image, in the image of God created He him; male and female created He them.

What did Adam need? Adam needed a companion ... Calvin calls wives, "The inseparable associate of their husband's life", someone who would live with him and work with him as a fellow heir of the grace of life. Prov 31—he trusts in her, confides Gen 24--Isaac comforted by his wife. They need a companion/comfort/support as travel through life. Scripture says we are the weaker. 1 Pet 3:7 Adam also needed a physical mate -- someone to help him be fruitful and multiply, and someone who would be a nurturer of their children. Gen 1:27--Needed help in dominion work. Prov 31--manages the shared household. Adam needed someone who could help him in his dominion work of tending the garden and husbanding the animals there.

Eve didn’t get a separate dominion mandate. Gen 1:28 And God blessed them. And God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth."

What is true femininity? Helps husband=femininity. Lots Christian women have a feminist attitude toward femininity. It transcends outward dress. True femininity doesn’t fight with man’s masculinity. Mind war between femininity vs. masculinity. Woman do have a civilizing effect...but their job is not to smother masculinity. You should have an active interest in his life, his things.

So this was God's purpose for Eve, to be Adam's: companion, mate, assistant
2). Woman’s sin, Gen 3:4 ...the serpent said to the woman, "You will not surely die. Gen 3:5 For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil." Gen 3:6 So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate.

She saw the fruit good for food but not hungry, so had no reason to want more
no lack of beauty, so why discontent? Her temptation is to be autonomous or free from God. What snared Eve was the part about being like a god, knowing good and evil. It was the temptation to be autonomous, or, free from, God. It reflected her desire, which we share, to be our own God and decide for ourselves what is right and wrong. This is our original sin and it's the key to understanding both men and women, to resent God as rule maker. But all the rules/statutes/commandments are for our protection & good.

Sin brought the curse; Adam’s work for dominion now became harder, having to work is not the curse; work is good--it's a good thing--work gives meaning and structure to our lives; "cursed is the ground for your sake..."

Not a sign of anger but God’s love “…cursed…for your sake…” Too much time on hands means… Work keeps people out of trouble. Period.

Gen 3:16 To the woman he said, "I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you."

Woman—‘your desire’ implies in Hebrew is to dominate him.

The harmony and cooperation which was the plan for the pre-fall
marriage relationship will be corrupted and marred by struggles for domination and by enforced submission. However, these relationships can be restored to something like their original state through new life in Christ.

What the Bible says about women are:

Weaker than men -1 Peter 3:7
More easily deceived - 1 Timothy 2:14
Timid - Isaiah 19:16, Jeremiah 50:37
Self-indulgent - Isaiah 32:9-11
Subtle and deceitful - Proverbs 6:24-29, 32-35,7: 6-27, Eccl. 7:26
Silly, easily led into error - 2 Timothy 3:6
Loud and wayward - Pro 7:11
Contentious - Proverbs 21:9, 21:19, 25:24, 27:15-17
Prone to being gossips and busybodies - I Timothy 5:6
Affectionate - 2 Samuel 1:27
Tender to our offspring - Isaiah 49:15, Lamentations 4:10
Virtuous - Ruth 3:11, Proverbs 31: 10- 30

In the scriptures we see that although we women were:
~ The first to sin (Genesis 3:6), we were also,
~ The last to leave the cross when our Lord was crucified (Matt. 27:55-56, Mark 15:40),
~ The first at the sepulcher (Mark 15:46, 16:1, Luke 23:27)
~ The first to whom the risen Lord appeared (Mark 16:9, John 20:14)

We are easily deceived and prone to sin, especially in our tendency to want to be independent, but once we have repented and become Christians we are capable of great sympathy and compassion, faith and devotion to our Lord .

Feminist bitterness: God shows we are subordinate but we are part of God’s plan. We see women all through the Bible, in a variety of roles, but always as essential to mankind, and essential to the unfolding story of God's grace upon mankind. Subordinate to men but in no way less important or influential. It’s not a ‘bad’ thing.

The Influence of Women: Eve's influence on Adam, Sarah's influence on Abraham
Rebekah's influence on Jacob, Delilah's influence on Samson, Abigail's influence on David, Soloman's wives' influence on Solomon, Jezebel's influence on Ahab, Herodias's influence on Herod

Women have a powerful influence for good or evil...to tear down or build up.

Women influence their men... for good... or for evil. This is why Israel was forbidden, again and again, not to marry strange women – they would turn their husbands' hearts away to worship false gods. I Kings 11, Deut. 7:3.

We women have great influence on our husbands, children, churches and communities.

Our biblical role is under great attack these days.

3). Woman’s feminism

We've all grown up with feminism and we have been compromised without even realizing it... even those of us who are trying to resist because we know about God's created order for men and women, and the gender distinctions and roles He created. We know God’s order yet culture tells us very differently. Workforce, family, relationships now very different than 50 yrs ago.

We've heard that the Bible is a sexist book and that women had no rights in the Bible. But the Bible actually protected and guarded the rights of women. The bill of goods of feminism has sold us has HARMED women.

"God has imposed laws governing marriage...Humanists reject these laws. This is the reason why wives are regarded today as not being legally entitled to the economic protection that biblical law mandates for wives. Husbands are allowed to break their marriage vows almost at will. They are increasingly permitted by church courts and civil courts to abandon most of their economic obligations to their former wives. Modern humanism is hostile to the God-imposed legal requirements of Exodus 21:2-4. Humanists take pride in ignoring God's laws regarding adultery. Innocent, non-adulterous wives are inevitably the victims." Tools of Dominion - Gary North

No fault divorce actually destroys woman’s standard of living. "With the rise of no-fault divorce, not even the civil government protects women's interests any longer. In the United States, one year after a divorce, the woman's standard of living has fallen by over 70 percent, while her former husband's has risen by over 40 percent."

Women in America, in their fight for "Equal Rights" actually tore down their house with their own hands, exactly as it says in
Proverbs.

So we Christian women in the 21st century have inherited a mess... what on earth can we do about it?

God can use us even if we’ve made mistakes. One of the best examples-- in a nutshell –of God's grace to womankind is to look at the genealogy of Christ in Matthew 1. There are 42 men's names listed in the genealogy, and four women's names. And those four women are all very interesting because they are all people whom you would never expect to find there... Tamar the Canaanite harlot/incest led to Perez, Rehab the Canaanite harlot then used as an example of faith in Heb 11 and James 2, Ruth the

Moabitess came from Lot, Bathsheba the adulteress that brought down David…

None of these women possessed great pedigrees; some of them were guilty of terrible sin...so why were they included in this most important family of all time? And why were they commemorated in the Scriptures? The thing they all have in common was that all of them were humble before God... all of them were repentant...they repented and turned from their sin, and they were used of God...2 Corinthians 5:17 ...if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

Hope for our mistakes, handicaps, past bad track record. We can get grace, repent, change, and see reformation. There is no life too messed up for the Lord to straighten out. His grace and His word are sufficient for solving all of life's problems- even the terrible problems we may face in our marriages and families and churches today in 21st century America.

Question: "How do I get everything done that needs to be done in my home? Laundry, cooking cleaning, schooling, diapers, potty training...the list goes on. My children work with me to complete
these tasks, but it's still difficult to get everything done?

You can’t get it all done, so prioritize… Children higher priority than housework when little. When Victoria had 5, she felt organized when she could remember their ages in order! She juggled everything a bit when a new baby came. Her mom’s housekeeping was…well, when her kids at school all day of course the house perfect. Don’t do according to your mom’s schedule/standards; do housework when needed not just to do it because that’s what your mom did.

Luk 10:38 Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house.

Luk 10:39 And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his teaching.

Luk 10:40 But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, "Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me."

Luk 10:41 But the Lord answered her, "Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things,

Luk 10:42 but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her."

Martha vs Mary: Reading to your young kids, playing even important. It’s the good portion more than the Martha housework. Trained to her kids to help too and they realized that anything done together is fun. Work can be fun.

Question: With all the responsibilities of running a home, when and how am I to focus on furthering my husband's vision?

Raising kids, running the house is furthering his vision if done his way not yours. Different seasons of life (like babies in house vs. teens)

Ecc 3:1 For everything there is a season,

and a time for every matter under heaven:

Ecc 3:2 a time to be born, and a time to die;

a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;

Ecc 3:3 a time to kill, and a time to heal;

a time to break down, and a time to build up;

Ecc 3:4 a time to weep, and a time to laugh;

a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

Ecc 3:5 a time to cast away stones,

and a time to gather stones together;

a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

Ecc 3:6 a time to seek, and a time to lose;

a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

Ecc 3:7 a time to tear, and a time to sew;

a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

Ecc 3:8 a time to love, and a time to hate;

a time for war, and a time for peace.

How beautiful is God’s word, such poetry. Seasons of babies and little kids about all you can do. It is a short season—but goes away fast. Utmost importance for their lives, child training then, develop good relationships with them then. Teach to control tongue from early age, to use words of life.

Pro 18:21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.

Prov 18:21 an important tongue verse for them to know. Teach to memorize Scripture, love God AND His word. Doing these things is an important help to husband.

Question: With all the responsibilities of being a wife and mommy, I find that I barely have time to get dinner on the table for my own family. I feel guilty not knowing how to make time to have people
over for dinner. How do I entertain others when my days are so full. Could you address the biblical view of hospitality?

Biblical hospitality is NOT Martha Stewart-style entertaining. Hospitality is this: What we have received from the Lord, we gladly share with you...

Hospitality in New Testament VERY different. It’s about meeting peoples’ pressing needs; it has a kingdom purpose. Hospitality is casual, opening your lives to others even on less presentable days. Focus on fellowship and sharing your daily life not this presentation Martha Stewart perfect show.

1Ti 6:8 But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content. Hungry, place to stay—simple needs, meet them.

Question: I have always struggled to understand the Proverbs 31 passage. I do my best to take care of my husband, children, and home. However, I do not bring in extra income to the family. And I
do not have many opportunities to help others outside my immediate family. Am I a Proverbs 31 woman if I don't do these things, also?

Make his earnings go as far as possible, save his money, balance time and money, be content with less—earning money isn’t just having a ‘job’. Simply not buying things that you don't need doesn't take any time, and over time, it can save lots of money. Being content with less, and saving the money you aren't spending, is another way of "earning" money.

Pr 15:16 Better is a little with the fear of the LORD than great treasure and trouble with it.

Question: What do I do when I have NO like-minded families or older women to encourage me in being a Biblical woman? Is it wrong to have only internet friends who have the same convictions and beliefs?

Use this tool to bless each other: wonderful tool but double edged. Don’t waste time and let it snare you.

1Ti 5:13 ...(the young widows) learn to be idlers, going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying what they should not.

Isolation not bad. Victoria hardly had any friends for their kids so they as a family learned to be friends with each other and people older and wiser than their just kids’ ages. Public school age-segregation is bad for relationships. Children don't need friends their own age...they need friends who are older and wiser than they are.

Pro 13:20 Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.

We know that most children are foolish:

Pro 22:15 Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.

Foolish friends - and most young children fall into this category - can be very harmful to your children. Adult friends -especially their best friends - you and your husband - and other trusted, godly adults, can help your children become wise.

Question: If I’m more spiritual than my husband, shouldn’t he be listening to me?

This thinking is a DANGEROUS snare. You can help him become spiritual or take lead over him & destroy him and his authority. If she’s REALLY more spiritual, she won’t crush him with her spirituality but let him lead and trust in the Lord. If a wife is truly more spiritual than her husband, she will be submissive and respectful to him, in faith that she’s doing the right thing and that God will take care of the rest.

Question: Shouldn’t a woman’s life revolve around Jesus and not just a man? Could her relationship with her husband take away from her relationship with Jesus?

Jesus said, "If you love me, you will keep my commandments.” (John 14:15) We show our love and devotion to Jesus by obeying his commandments. One of them is this: “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” (Eph 5:22)