What will your estate look like in 2030? What will your family, maturity look like in 20 years? Men in
Most American churches do not receive Christ’s loving sanctification. Most wives do not either. We share the blame for the weakness of the church.
Doctrine of Simper Reformanda – always reforming. Many of you are finding and rediscovering Biblical Ecclesiology. The Lord Jesus is very blunt with His church. Many American wives love the world a lot more than they love their husbands.
Men in a church were discussing protecting their families in case of depression/civil disorder. Do we want all our roots in this city if things become unstable? They talked in a responsible way. When the men went back to their wives, they came back sheepish. Wives don’t want to talk about possibility of difficulty and trouble.
Will we be leaders, disciple makers? How can we disciple anyone if we cannot disciple the one with whom we are one flesh? They are the ones commissioned to help us with the impossible mission.
Men who see the issues at stake in the building of the kingdom move forward in their responsibly to love their wives. How do we disciple our wives? I’ve been talking to women, asking what they think. One told me that she must want to be worthy of her husband. One of the greatest errors I make every week is thinking my wife can read my mind. I have to show her what Christ is teaching me. When I do, she loves it. When I don’t she feels left out, knows she is missing something.
It’s less what we do It’s more who we are. I can’t give you a formula. There are two great attributes of manhood that good women respect: Showing the courage to fight bravely for what is right and showing the courage to admonish through relationships. We are not good at relationships. It is hard work, not just making up the rules of the house on a whim. We cannot be arbitrary. We have to show our wives that we are submitted to the complete law of God. If we want to inspire our wives to obey scripture, we must submit ourselves.
Many men have written and asked if my wife can have a course like this for their wives. Yes. We would like to start one in a few weeks. Poll shows Monday evening is preferred. We want it in the evening so you can help with the children.
Mrs. Botkin’s Webinar: How to Help Your Husband Love His Wife.
Titus 2 says to be discreet, chaste, obedient to their own husbands.
Men, some of our prayers are not being answered because we are not living with our wives in an understanding way.
Women who have been able to spend time with my dear wife going back 20 years are still thanking her.
One of the purposes of your marriage is preparing your sons and daughters for their own marriage.
Understanding courtship will help your wife understand your mind, and help you both understand the purpose of your own marriage in ways that will give you a stronger more joyful marriage. Start teaching your children about romance young. Society tells them it is fine to be immature, increasing the size and expense of toys. The Christian home says we were created for maturity, that home and children are wonderful.
My daughter said, “Daddy I remember when I was sitting in my high chair and you told me what to do if a boy came up and kissed me.” Children have a capacity to learn and remember.
Some principles to discuss early in your marriage:
Uniting of dynasties; two families come together.
Men and women are complimentary.
Estates can and must glorify God and take dominion.
Bride & Groom need unity of purpose and vision. One woman told me, “Sometimes I wonder if the only legacy we will leave is a question mark.” The Dominion Mandate is given to couples.
Sons and daughters old enough to be married, may not be ready. Many ask me for the courtship formula. You must begin preparing your children very young to be a properly righteousness husband, wife who can submit joyfully. Affections must be guided carefully or your daughter will want to marry Edward Cullen or Clark Gable. Wisdom and discernment must be built into your children. They are born with foolishness.
Vision must be biblical and long term; one dad asked his children to write down names for their children. It turned their minds to the future. They began writing down 7, 8 children, then 10-11. When you give them a home where there is harmony, not backbiting, they will want a big family. Children must know what is worthy of esteem. You don’t want your son to want a girl who is a pretty face, but is a bimbo, a gorgeous girl who is an empty head. They learn by what you say at home. When I meet a man or woman I admire, I say what it is that I admire to my family. I try to conform what I esteem to scripture.
What is in the bible regarding courtship? There is no one strict formula for courtship, wooing or weddings. Marriage is in the Bible, but courtship is a convention that developed to assist families in the religious yoking of children in contractual unions.
If we used one Bible story in exclusion of all others we would end up with something very problematic.
Courtship is a convention between families to assist in the formation of dominion oriented marriages.
Without that, we have dating [or betrothal which could be]: ‘She’s cute; I’m cute; we make a cute couple.’ Sampson said, “She looks good. Get her for me.” Let’s not adopt Sampson’s courtship [betrothal] model.
A man and woman are yoked well in a wise purpose. Fathers have a God given responsibility to well prepare daughters. A strict courtship formula is not a simple solution to the challenges of marrying well. In ideal situations, courtship is not necessary, if two families have grown up together, same church, know each other well, and understand each other’s convictions. A lengthy courtship may not be necessary. Homeschool culture is in a transition time of trying to find each other. Courtship of some kind can be wise and can become a healthy multigenerational tradition. Some courtships [or betrothals] have worked very well. Some have failed and have divided families. That is a tragedy and a mistake.
Problems I have seen:
1 There is a confusion of terms which has produced strife. You must define all the terms carefully: marriage, betrothal, engagement, courtship, contract, covenant, binding engagement, parental approval, yoked, romance, theology, prenuptial agreement, engagement period, physical affection, debt, divorce, personality, wedding, marry , bride, groom, take a wife , give a daughter, dowry, protect, touch, kiss, caress, embrace, defraud, grandchildren and compatibility. No two families are on the same page on these. These must be talked about when you start down this road.
2 “Cowardly fathers” shrink away from; do not prepare sons and daughters. They just let it happen.
3 The “Officious father” tends to abuse the responsibility/authority makes unreasonable demands or string the young man along. Men are put through a ringer. I try to respect their time. Not ‘Now I get to play the role of the guardian dad.’ This could waste a year of a young man’s life.
4 The “Fearful Mother;” wants wealthy lifestyles for their daughter.
5 The “Timid Girl” wants the fairy tale romance with no risks. She has false expectations of romance or is fearful to get close enough to a man to discern what his mission and heart are in life. There is always a risk involved. A courtship can end and not lead to marriage if the two discern as quickly as possible, if not, end in friendship with a man who will be someone else’s husband. Courtships last as long as it needs to, not dawdling, writing romantic things to each other. Engagement should be short.
6 The “Defeated Young Man” grows cynical about the whole thing. He did not know what was allowed or expected to do. Parents are not always clear. These men are trying to do their duty to get married. My advice is to not give up and I will continue to hit dads over the head with this. I tell dads to disciple men and help them. You will never get a perfect young man. We do need to discern his heart. If it does not work with your daughter, give him advice. Recommend another girl that he might be good with.
Courtship is complex and so is the failed dating scene. The purpose of the courtship custom that developed in Western civilization was adequate in many nations. It was a simple due diligence period for both families on the assumption that the consent of the young people, especially the girl was to decide if she could follow this man’s mission.
We can improve on this custom if we understand the principle purposes behind it, according to the custom to hold off on early romance. We should be patient and cautious even when the right mate comes along. Let your wife see you training your children in the duties of marriage, especially with girls. These ideas are already in a two-year-old’s head. We need to guide, protect and lead.
Duties of marriage: Be fruitful with wise children and strong families. Gen 1.28 Enculturate all creation Genesis 3:23
Christian Courtship is an advanced cultural custom of a disciplined, Christian civilization society that protects the covenantal institution of marriage by providing a short period of time for a girl to objectively determine her willingness.
Q How do you define a “Christian nation?’ What does it look like? How will your posterity know they have arrived?
A If we really believed Christ’s last commission, we need to know what a Christian nation is. A Christian nation recognizes the sovereign Christ as king and His law as sovereign, higher law and disciples other nations to be Christian nations. Psalm 2: Kiss the son lest he be angry. All kings must give homage to Christ.
Psalm 66:3 How awesome are your works, enemies will give feigned obedience.
1754 American Scientists sent a pamphlet to England “Atheism is unknown infidelity rare and secret so that persons may live to a great age in that country without having their piety shocked by meeting with either an Atheist or and Infidel. And the Devine Being seems…pleased to favor the whole country.” Even unbelievers taught bible verses to their children, chastised them. There is good peer pressure in a Christian country. Develop an appreciation for biblical law in the gates. The Christian worldview is dominant in most families in a Christian culture. A Christian culture has qualified magistrates, growing, multiplying churches with qualified leaders.
Q: Doesn’t every army need both generals and foot soldiers? Should we ever be content and is there any nobility to be a foot soldier or is every man destined to be a general?
A: Scripture uses military analogies. Generals are nothing more than foot soldiers who are wiser, who have developed wisdom to know. Engaged armies have casualties.
Steven Ambrose Band of Brothers: Boys trained to drop into very first drop their commander was killed. They were surrounded by enemies. Seeing fellows die, rising in rank. They never tried to get rank, but so took care of them in winter and looked after the men.
This is how the Christian soldier will think. One man, private Webster, was determined not to rise in rank. My sons do not understand this.
What I pray for you is that you would rise to positions of great influence in the Lord’s army.
I’m not afraid for one of my daughters to marry a “private” if he is on track. I have raised my daughters to be married to generals. They know the history, theology. I want to see how this man has disciples his younger brothers and sisters, younger men around him. Yes, I am looking for a guy like that.
Would it be a deal breaker if a young man was part of the
Courtship – when a son desires an apostate Christian woman. It is okay for him to go to the father? That is very risky. You need to see a track record. In our theology we cannot convince people.
There are very wise men, thinkers I’d love to have on my side, who are not believers. I pray for them, but do not look to marry one. Please do not let your heart be enamored by a girl who is not a Christian. How much time to we invest in the unreformable? Paul commands Timothy to teach others what he was entrusted with.
Traits to look for in a young lady: a gentle and quiet spirit, a track record of faithfulness. Please do not invest your heart, time, emotions in a girl who is not saved. Pray for them.
Many children were not in or of the Christian faith but were discipled to trust in secular theologies. Weak men have two allies in their treasonous activity toward God and their wives and children: The Bureaucratic Church, The Security State (police state.) The state needs to keep men from thinking. The church has bought into this. These promote a permanent underclass which keeps men from thinking. They are quick to provide counselors to neutralize men from action, to be ineffective.
What are the most effective actions we can take to begin to take?
Geographical closeness
1 Recovering Biblical Orthodoxy and orthopraxy
2 Networking through web sites and conferences, getting to know other families
3 Contemplating in the state of the Union, God’s judgment on
4 Thinking like pioneers. And our most heroic ancestors
5 Thinking like shepherds who can preserve a remnant.
Lev. 26, Deut. 28 If America turns its back on the law of God it will be judged in stages. We need to be thinking like our heroic ancestors who were willing to leave for their families. If things get bad in the big cities, can those of us in the county take in others. We should not be fear mongers. We can see from Scripture, if there is no repentance.
I know about a brave entrepreneurial missionary in
On Titus 2 course how to help your husband love his wife? Anyone can listen. My wife will be teaching women, not exercising authority over a man. We will be e-mailing details.
Thank you for not using excuses to be immature, pressing forward to serve Christ.
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